Energy. I learned about it in science. It’s forever linked to E = mc2 and Einstein, for me. I played sport, so energy is also equal to exercise and doing things. And I also associate energy with people – she’s a high energy person, he’s a low energy guy, she takes my energy – yet I haven’t really understood what that meant.
Some years back, I wrote a short story about an energy/emotion draining vampire. It came out of my thoughts about people. When I was with some people, I left feeling completely hollow. Other people left me buoyed. Others I felt the same as when I’d met them. What did that mean?
As I started looking into things to improve my health, I came across stuff about ‘toxic people’ and how some people needed to be avoided because they took and didn’t give back. I started to recognise that these were often the people who left me drained. As I had less and less energy, I couldn’t be near these people, and I jettisoned so many. Some had been friends, some I thought were close friends, but they all seemed to roam away as soon as I couldn’t be a shoulder for them (or a source for their constant need for energy).
I didn’t understand it, even as I did it.
Last year, I had less and less energy every day and it worried me terribly. I had a virus, I had to rest and drink fluids. But this treatment wasn’t replenishing my energy. I had no clue how to get more. I began to read.
I read about Mindfulness and Meditation with a Jon Kabat-Zinn. It was eye opening. I’m hopeless at meditation, or so I thought, but he gave me hope.
Then I went on a reading journey where one book followed another, each building on what I’d learned. Mindfulness for Beginners by Zon Kabat-Zinn, then Medical Medium by Anthony William, then Cure by Jo Marchant, then Becoming Supernatural by Dr Joe Dispenza.
In Joe Dispenza’s Becoming Supernatural, he gave a heap of scientific reckoning to support his arguments. He took Einstein and made it relative to his arguments. He claims that emotions are energy. Negative emotions (anger, fear, stress, grief) have less (or heavier) energy than joyful emotions (gratitude, happiness, joy, love). At least, I think that’s what he said – that’s what I took from it anyway! The happier, lighter emotions oscillate at a higher frequency, they make you feel better, lighter. He says that meditation and focussing on the energy within you, can increase these joyful emotions and you can heal yourself by changing the expression of genes by changing hormonal responses.
Just before I bought this book, I had my first acupuncture session (after having a treatment many years before, but not continuing it). During the acupuncture treatment, I was left in a quiet, dark room with soft music playing. I had needles in my feet, hands, face, and lower legs. I had nowhere to go and nothing to do but lie there and relax. I felt like I was dying when I walked into that place. I’d driven the 20 mins to get there and it had exhausted me. I hadn’t driven for most of the year because I hadn’t had access to a car, so I was putting it down to stress, plus virus. As I laid there, wondering if this might help and hoping I’d be right to drive home, things started happening inside me. Tingling, fluttering things. It started in my toes and moved through my body. Slowly. Like ants crawling over me (except not as creepy or bitey!). My body began to twitch and move. Voluntarily. There was a white light in my mind and my stomach that was spreading (and I know this is weird, I had my eyes closed, but it’s warmth and heat is why I call it ‘light’ but it may not have been light as such). About halfway through the session, I felt like this was working. I had hope.
I left that place with energy.
I wish I could explain how that worked. In my science head, I’m thinking that the pinpricks into the skin begin some kind of immune system response, which fires up the immune system and that’s what I was feeling. But shit, I’d had a freaking virus for 12 months and that immune system had konked out trying to fight it. So how did this work?
I have no bloody idea.
But since then, I’ve improved every day. I have energy. I’m starting to feel those good emotions again – joy, love, gratitude, compassion. I’m doing my day job, plus writing, plus doing house and garden work, plus volunteering at the local nursery. I’ve been able to have visitors and go visiting. I’ve had energy to climb towers, run about with kids, swim, walk, travel. Things I could not for the life of my do the past 13 months when I could hardly do my day job and cook tea.
I don’t understand it, but as one of those books said, sometimes you just have to thank your left brain for trying to rationalise what’s happening, and let your right brain smile and be glad it’s occurring.
So, I’m celebrating. Celebrating the return/release of my energy.
In Becoming Supernatural, Dispenza says that energy is everywhere and it switches and changes and flows. He says sometimes we give energy to the outside flow, sometimes we draw it in from the outside, sometimes we circulate the energy within us.
Einstein said that Energy could neither be created nor destroyed. It sure felt like I’d destroyed mine, but I’m ever so glad I have it flowing again. I don’t intend to lose it anytime soon!
How’s your energy?
Are you a writer interested in tapping into your higher-creative mind?
Creative Writing Energy: Tools to Access Your Higher-Creative Mind will give you a range of alternative methods and ideas that you can use to access your higher-creative mind. That part of yourself that remains hidden and unexplored, and brimming with story ideas and characters you have yet to meet. Muse or no Muse.
Creative Writing Energy: Tools to Access Your Higher-Creative Mind is the first in a series for authors from bestselling and award-winning authors, Kim Petersen and Catherine Evans.