There are those among us who think of sex as nothing more than a means to an end. It often starts out this way, during those tempestuous teen years when our raging hormones demand that we explore the alluring world of sex. Sex is a built-in motive we lust after to satisfy our ardent curiosity as well as our growing physiological needs.
We have all been there.
The first guy I had sex with had an insatiable sex drive. He was more experienced than me but once we started, it was on for young and old – anywhere, anytime. It didn’t matter where we were or who was around, there was a time when his hand almost became a permanent addition in my panties.
Hmm … maybe that’s where my love of fingers originated. He did have skill in the finger department, but that’s about where it ended.
Our relationship lasted for 5 years before we called it quits. He thought that he’d be able to come back and marry me some future day when he was ready. I thought otherwise, and it had nothing to do with the fact that although we had been highly active in the bedroom, he wasn’t a great lover.
It’s like the million-dollar question for women everywhere. We can never quite tell for sure if a man is going to be great in the sack until we’re actually rolling in it with him. I mean, every man knows the basics – give her a smooch; fondle her here; rub there; part her thighs and hammer in. But that’s just sex.
Any guy can sex it up but that doesn’t make him an unforgettable lover.
Personally, I feel as if the tell-tale signs of a man’s sexual prowess may be prevalent through his developed tastes, level of creativity and small nuances outside of the bedroom.
Men who have a creative side and practice extracurricular activities are usually more broad-minded, soulful and more in tune with their senses and with life. As are those men who are spontaneous and adventurous – who are not uptight or feel the need to schedule every minute of every day. Guys with these types of characteristics tend to show up in the bedroom and make for better lovers.
My ex-boyfriend was all about the visual senses and fast-action and less about exploring and developing sensual pleasures and savouring my body. His arousal was defined by handling me as if I was his sex-toy – here to serve and please his desires with little regard for my own. He enjoyed my body, but only to the extent his primitive style of passion allowed. In other words, he was never interested in refining his skills as a lover – and no, he didn’t possess a creative flair or a deep passion to experience life in new ways.
He was rather humdrum.
Not every man or woman is actually interested in taking the time to learn how to be a great lover, opting instead to remain a lousy lay and/or continue to see sex as a means to an end – orgasmic release or an act carried out for the purpose of pro-creation.
Both viewpoints are kind of dull if you ask me. Imagine if we only had sex to procreate?
We are sexually driven creatures by nature and the fact is that sex is one of the greatest aspects of our humanity. Anyone who has experienced orgasmic heaven and real connection with an attentive lover can attest to that. Sex is pleasurable and fun; it helps to relieve stress and strengthens our relationships and connections – it is the ultimate expression of love.
Speaking of expressions of love, here’s a few ultimate traits that I consider vital in making a man an unforgettable lover:
Lips Like Seduction
Kissing can be totally amazing or … erm … worthy of a good cringe followed by a fast excuse to bail out.
The way a man kisses a woman is a huge indication of his underlying passion to connect deeply – and deep connection is what makes an unforgettable lover.
But please don’t throw in the towel too early. We all know that first kiss can be a little nerve-wracking and less-than-perfect what with the pressure and all – but if it begins to heat up and gets you all bothered, then pay attention, girl – you may have a Casanova on your hands!
An unforgettable lover knows how to use his lips like a seductive artform to induce a rush of deep arousal in his woman; and he enjoys every moment of building the sexual tension through his kiss.
Passion Like Fever
Love is the most important element in a relationship and passion is the fire that helps to create total fusion. There must exist an intense sexual desire for your partner and a deep need to express strong emotion through love-making to reach the next level in intimacy.
Sometimes, the only way to channel and express our emotions in totality is through the act of sex. Like an outlet for our deepest and most sacred parts. We cannot always fully articulate the depth of our feelings to the person we love – so, when words are not enough, we use our bodies; bonding through our passion can convey infinitely beautiful feelings.
An unforgettable lover possesses and expresses his feelings in his lover’s touch – he isn’t afraid to show his love for his woman through acts of unbridled passion.
Attentiveness Like Arousal
The most unforgettable lovers are the ones who are in tune with their woman and are attentive to her needs and desires in the bedroom.
Forget the 5-minute wham-bam. There will be no thank you, ma’am’s from this side of the table. A man who is an unforgettable lover knows the importance of pacing; he’s the real chill-deal who relishes sweet sensations and sensual caresses, and he will take his cues from his woman – her pleasure is his greatest turn-on.
Psychology Today: “One of women’s main sexual complaints about their lovers is that men rush into intercourse before women feel ready for genital play.”
I can’t tell you how many times my lady friends have expressed the very same thing – slow down and then get a little slower.
An unforgettable lover considers his lover’s entire body his erotic playground and savours every inch – he knows how to prime her for the main event.
But not before…
Tongue Like Erotica
It would be impossible to not add the fine and delicate art of cunnilingus to a list of traits constituting an unforgettable lover. He must honor the pussy who he seeks to take and if he can’t or won’t give her the gift of his passionate kiss in her most intimate parts, then all cards are off the table.
More than just eating pussy; it’s a constitution that requires developed skill and intentional attention to tap into and connect with his woman’s essence via his lips and tongue.
An unforgettable lover has a strong desire to know his woman’s body and learn what turns her on. He wants to taste her sex – he knows that her scent is all his and he’ll push her to the edge of desire – allowing her to linger in the throes of erotica, lust and love as he ignites her inner-Sex Goddess.
An unforgettable lover is a man who has passion, patience and a deep sense of appreciation for love, connection and all of life. He is open to experiencing moments of vulnerability and probably has a delightful kinky side, too, but most importantly, he sees sex for what it really is – a gift. A beautiful, beautiful gift.
Originally published by Sexography on Medium.