How to Tell If an Introverted Woman is Interested in You

Here are 6 surefire signs to look out for.


It took me a long time to figure out and accept that I was an introvert. For some reason, I had figured being an introvert meant that I lacked important attributes that made for an appealing human being who could easily relate to others.

Attractive personality qualities like energetic social skills, assertiveness and vivaciousness. I was never the “life of the party” type, preferring to keep a low profile and observe.

During my younger years, I found it difficult to strike up conversations with my peers and form friendships. I was always quiet and reserved, choosing my people wisely and treasuring them all the more for it. When it came to guys, for a very long time I chose no one at all.

That didn’t mean I didn’t have crushes – I did, only nobody else knew about it. I discovered early on that guys liked me. Perhaps it was my quiet disposition and my unassuming nature, or maybe they just found me attractive. Whatever the reason, it has taken me a lot of years; inner-work and building on experience to be able to feel comfortable around the men I find attractive, and then actually express my interest in them.

An introverted woman is naturally hard to crack. She tends to build invisible walls around herself that only a few select people are ever permitted entry. Like all introverts, she excels at observing. So, when she is interested in a man, she will meticulously find out more about him – she’ll quietly study his moves, habits and personality; asses his goals, interests, dreams and lifestyle before making a choice as to whether he might fit into her world.

Chances are that an introvert woman may come across hot and cold at first. This is usually because she may struggle with finding her social “middle ground” of communication with you – she won’t want to freak you out by spending too much time with you, but she won’t want to shut you out either.    

If, at times, she comes across as aloof, snobby or indifferent, its usually more about a case of the nerves and/or clamming up, and less about being uninterested.

Personally, I have always struggled with overcoming my naturally shy tendencies. So, when I realize that I’m falling for a man, my first instinct totally goes against all “mating” protocol – I clam up and avoid him like the plague for a while.

Why?   

Because my logical brain knows that feelings of attraction merely skim the surface in a potential mate. For the introverted woman, there must exist deeper and more meaningful qualities in a guy for her to move forward in the relationship. She must be able to trust herself with him, and trust that he will honor her feelings.  

 If she’s anything like me, she’ll need the space and time to process what she’s feeling and more importantly why she’s feeling it.

Once she’s established how she feels about you, she will be ready to test the waters some more – tediously perhaps, but ready nonetheless. Her moves and signs will be subtle and at times may leave you utterly baffled about what’s really going on. Keep in mind, though, that her deep and star-gazing world is unique and quirky; and worth every bit of the effort it takes to become a part of it.

For those men who have an introvert woman in their life but are a clueless as to whether or not she is interested in you, here are some signs to look out for:

She stares

But it will most likely be horribly awkward because the only thing she’s got on her side when you’re around is her ability to “think” – direct eye contact may distract her from her usually fast working brain. She will take every opportunity to study you in-action when you’re not in direct conversation with her.

Introverts crave to know things – she’s usually always in research mode, so you’ll most likely catch her glancing or frowning over at you quite frequently.

Questions are her love language

When an introvert woman doesn’t care about someone, she couldn’t care less about their favorite songs or greatest fears. If she genuinely likes you, she’ll want to gather as much information about you as she can – this means she will dive deep and go for the big stuff – dreams, desires, philosophy; what your MBTI and star sign is (so she study up on those and learn how to communicate with you).

She’ll also be interested in the insignificants; throwing you random questions that may surprise you – and she will remember all the details. 

She will shut up and listen.

Introverts love talking to people who seem interested but if you are talking about something and she just listens intently and even encourages you to keep talking by asking questions, that means she is very interested in what you have to say and wants you to know that.

Honestly, even though an introvert woman has probably already thought up any idea you procure—she will willingly listen to your ideas and love every one of them.

At the other end of the spectrum …

She may try and debate you intellectually. If an opinion or argument is stated, many introvert personalities will love to play devil’s advocate to gage just how much you know on that subject. But don’t be offended if this happens because this may be her way of acknowledging your intellect and actually complimenting it – she wouldn’t try so hard to prove an idiot wrong.

Sometimes she may actually agree with you, but just likes to see you in your philosophical, intellectual state.

She shares her deepest thoughts and dreams.

Typically, introverts don’t usually talk about personal topics with just anyone, preferring to discuss more general things. This is because she needs time to emerge from her shell and reveal her true self. If she begins to talk with you about her feelings, interests, ideas, likes, and dislikes, this means she’s into you and feels comfortable being around you.

It also shows that she trusts you to understand her. Introverts are very used to being pushed under the rug or misunderstood, so if she has the guts to finally open up -even about insignificant things, she likes you. Big time.

She shows you that she cares.

Introverts are loyal when it comes to the people they love and cherish. She will be attentive to you and show you a great deal of care and compassion if she considers you to be a part of her inner-circle.

She will love to spend time on her own – this is her way of keeping her inner-world balanced while processing her thoughts and emotions. So, if you’re invited into what appears to be her personal space to spend time with her there, this is a definite sign that she enjoys your company and is interested in you.

Despite her need for deep introspection and dedicated world-reflection time, your introvert woman is a creature just like you – she really does like to spend time with the people who matter to her and she’s not as hard to read as you might think. You just need to pay extra attention.


Originally published by The Good Men Project via Hello Love on Medium.