5 Ways to Tell a Woman That You Love Her Without Saying I Love You

Love has a language all of its own.


“Once a man wins a woman’s love, the love is his forever. He can only lose the woman.” — Robert Brault.

I love you. It doesn’t always mean what we might think. Depending on who’s saying it or in what context those words are spoken, they can mean everything or nothing.

Sometimes, we fling those words out casually.

Like a universal-style kind of love.

For instance, we “love” the postman when he delivers that long-awaited package, or experience affectionate feelings when our favorite barista nails the perfect brew each time we pick up a coffee to-go.

These people are not necessarily important to us in a personal sense. More on a broader scale kind of way.

Saying “I love you” can easily become a customary habit between couples, too.

My husband once told me that he hated saying those words out of habit, as was the case during his long-term relationship prior to meeting and marrying me. He said that he ended up saying them to his partner not because he felt it at the time, but because it had become routine in that relationship.

Others may experience the opposite and find it difficult to say those 3 little words in the first place. It is an act of vulnerability and let’s face it; opening our hearts to someone we love can lead to potential pain, loss or rejection.

“Love is easy”, said nobody — ever.

But when we genuinely care about another person, it is important to be able to express our feelings. This might sound like a cliché, but it is so true when they say that life is too short to procrastinate when it comes to the important stuff like love and connectedness.

Time passes us so very quickly. While we may not be able to avoid regret in its entirety, we do have the power to select the parts of our lives where we might be able to avert regretful feelings.

A woman needs to know and feel in her heart the love of her man.

Saying “I love you” to your woman and meaning it is critical. But if you’re finding it difficult to form those words right now, showing her can be just as, if not more effective.

In fact, when the feelings run deep and intricate within, there may not be enough words to convey and justify the intensity of your feelings. Some forms of love are unbelievably powerful.

Love has a language all of its own.

In his book, The Five Love Languages: How to express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate, Gary Chapman says that “Each of us has a primary love language. The key is we have to learn to speak the language of the other person.”

According to Chapman, there are five ways people express love:

· Words of affirmation

· Quality time

· Receiving gifts

· Acts of service

· Physical touch

The secret to learning another person’s love language is all in the observation. We tend to naturally express and give love in the way we prefer to receive love.

This might sound much simpler in theory than in practice. Love is a complex phenomenon driven by the wings of emotion. It can easily become a perplexing puzzle to determine your partner’s preferred love language — particularly between the sexes.

When your woman has a firm understanding of your love for her, you’re more than half-way there to conquering the perplexing love-puzzle. But if you are struggling to form the words she longs to hear, she may be unsure of where she stands with you.

This is when misunderstandings can arise in a relationship.

Here are 5 sure-fire hacks to expressing your love without saying “I love you”:

1. Listen to your woman

Affirming words don’t always need to be the big “3”.

Listening with an open heart and mind can speak volumes in expressing love for a woman.

Women need to be heard and understood by their men — not just to the words we are saying, but to the feelings we are trying to express. When a woman is heard by her man, she knows that he cares for her, and that her feelings are important to him.

Listening is a fundamental relationship promise — when we truly hear what another person says, we open the door to being seen as worthy of trust. Higher performing relationship right there.

2. Have her back

If words can cut deeper than a knife, then actions are salt on the wound.

One of the best things about being in a relationship is knowing that you always have someone in your corner — and one of the biggest turn-offs for a woman is when the man she loves flakes out on her.

With the world full of billions of people, we need to know that there is a place just for us when it all becomes too much — for a woman, this sacred place is often within the comforting embrace and support of her man.

We need loyalty and courage to fuel the foundations of love, and we need a man who is willing to stand by us in the face of adversity, peer pressure and other challenges life presents.

Women don’t want to guess if her man will be there for her. In the end, it’s our support for each other that acts as the invisible glue bonding us together.

3. Be forgiving

The ultimate act of love is forgiveness, and there is no better way to love someone than to openly forgive and forget.

Look, we all screw up and nobody gets it right all of the time. Including your woman. She might be your Goddess, but she is far from perfect. She is your special woman — you must be willing to love her imperfections and nuances as much as the rest of her.

A woman appreciates a man who sees her for who she is and has the capacity and maturity to see beyond her indiscretions without passing judgement or ridicule.

Clinging on to resentment, pointing out failures and holding grudges is like pouring hot toxic liquid into your love. It’s love with conditions and not real love at all. Nothing positive can be achieved by festering on the past.

Being able to fully forgive and move on means inner-freedom, too — it is an act of understanding, empathy and compassion that will actually set you free.

Whatever happened yesterday — bridge it and focus on the good stuff instead.

4. Admit to your mistakes

This one rolls with forgiveness; the blame game is a nasty game.

Let’s not go there anymore.

A woman values a man who is open and honest with his imperfections; who can admit to the wrongs he may have caused and attempts to make amends without pointing fingers.

This shows her that you’re willing to accept responsibility for your mistakes rather than to pass the buck onto others. It also shows her your strength and character, and promotes trust and security within the relationship.

It is your willingness to be vulnerable that will truly convey the depth of your feelings for your woman.

5. Touch her

The truth is in the touch.

A lover’s touch is a powerful touch. She needs to feel you intimately, and she craves to touch you in return.

Once we get past the gropy, touch-for-the-purpose-for-acquiring-sex stage, physical touch is really about strengthening the existing emotional connection.

So many of our intimate feelings can flow from the act of touching. It plays a critical part in enhancing and developing love because through touch, we become vulnerable and open to our lovers. We want to connect and trust someone; and we need our lover’s arms to escape from the world.

Physical touch is important in that it really confirms all of the other ways we express our love for our mates. Even the briefest touch from another person can elicit strong emotional experiences.

It will be in your touch that tells her how much you love her.

Ultimately, we are all creatures seeking meaning and love in the world through the connections and relationships we form with others. But taking the time to express your feelings to the woman you love will grant you access to a place you will never want to leave; Robert Brault was right when he said that a woman’s love is forever.

It will be up to you to value and keep it.


Originally published by Hello, Love on Medium.