What Does a Gentleman Look Like to You?


A gentleman, while antiquated as a term, is a description of one with grace. Isn’t it odd that we call a civil man a gentleman and a woman who carries herself with self-respect, a lady?

– Xavier Eastenbrick.

My mother used to tell me that I was a beacon for jerks.

She was right. Somehow, I had a knack for attracting men who play games. Dangerous games that hurt me. Men who thought it was okay to treat me as some kind of possession.

Question: Does a gentleman devalue a woman?

Answer: A gentleman never lies to a woman — he should go out of his way to never make her cry unless they are tears of happiness. He always treats her like a lady.

– The Gentleman’s Journal.

Some men have an ingrained sense of entitlement. They think bedding a woman equates to ownership. I remember reading somewhere that this sense of “ownership” over a partner actually sticks with these men even after that particular relationship dissolves.

Take my ex-husband for example. Long after our divorce, he would still call me with all kinds of unreasonable demands and questions. More than once, I had to remind him that we were no longer married.

He didn’t back off until I married someone else.

It comes down to emotional maturity.

If you Google the phrase, “when do men emotionally mature”, you’ll find the magic number is forty-three.

It’s thirty-two for women. That’s a whole lot of years for a woman to wait for the penny to drop. Even then, it isn’t always a given.

I’m not convinced that all men in their forties are actually emotionally mature. Some women, too. I have encountered mature women who exercise emotionally manipulative tactics, and men who exhibit behavior like a five-year-old — as if they have chronic man-flu.

Constant complaining, gaming and knee-jerk reactions all round. Not so hot for developing strong bonds and trust with others.

Question: Should a gentleman do the Moonwalk?

Answer: No one wants to see a grown man Moonwalking and grabbing his testicles on the dance floor anymore. Let it go. Literally.

No one wants to see a grown man clad in a pair of skimpy Speedos at the beach, either. We refer to them as budgie-huggers here in Australia.

Sometimes, the “huggers” don’t quite hold all of the “budgies”, if you know what I mean. Sometimes, less is actually not more.

A gentleman should be open-minded though.

An intelligent man knows the benefit of listening to other’s views and being prepared to learn and develop his own world view. He seeks to broaden his perspective.

He doesn’t judge, either.

Nor does he ever tell.

Uh-uh. A gentleman has no interest in Chinese whispers, vicious gossip or running others down. He doesn’t shoot off at the mouth before thinking, and he doesn’t always have to have the last say.

There is something to be said about thinking before responding — a small window of time exists where you get to choose how you respond to the situation confronting you.

Sometimes, it might be even longer. Make it count.

A gentleman learns to quell the knee-jerk reaction; he carries himself with dignity and respect at all times.

When my parents divorced, my mother ran into the arms of a much older man. Like, thirty years much older. At first, I tried to resent him. He wasn’t my dad. That resolve didn’t last, though.

Ron was a gentleman. Old school style.

Question: Do they even make them anymore?

Answer: In this day and age, grace is often sacrificed on the altar of selfishness, greed, and convenience.

– Xavier Eastenbrick.

Ron opened doors for my mother and showed her what it meant to be treated like a lady. A lady (check out featured image)I don’t know that that skill is common these days.

Not really.

Question: Should a man open a door for a lady in this day and age?

Answer: This time-honoured gentlemanly gesture has become problematic in the modern world. For a lady, a gentleman always offers his seat, opens the door and helps her with her luggage.

– The Gentleman’s Journal.

Hmm … interesting.

Which leads me to …

Question: Do men actually sacrifice their comfort for a woman?

Answer: Offering your coat to a lady is an act of attentiveness and selflessness. A gentleman should always offer his coat to a lady, walk her home and offer to pay.

– The Gentleman’s Journal.

I asked my fifteen-year-old daughter what a gentleman looked like to her.

Answer: Respectful. Considerate and not selfish.

Good answer.

“Do you think the boys at school behave like gentlemen?”

Laughs.

“No way!”

When does it kick in? When emotional maturity takes hold at … umm … forty-three?

She could be waiting until she’s a middle-aged woman before she experiences a true gentleman.

I hope not.

Question: What does it mean to be a gentleman today?

Answer: The most common perception for a gentleman is a man who ensures that he is chivalrous towards women. The term attaches itself to men who are courteous and treat women with respect. Gentlemen are attentive to what a woman wants and needs, yet in the same regard they understand their own value and purpose.

– Brian Cornwell.

Historically, a gentleman was a way to describe a man of character. The term gentleman has changed over the years, nowadays it’s used to describe the actions and behaviors of a man.

Perhaps they should introduce these behaviors within the education system to reinforce what I hope is being taught at home. Things such as teaching boys how to become men who are polite, calm, respectful and considerate — the cornerstone for defining what it means to be a gentleman.

Vital qualities are necessary for forming and nurturing healthy relationships.

Question: What does the modern-day gentleman look like to you?

Answer: Here’s what my views are about the quality that makes both a distinction above the base animal within:

It is the quality of grace.

We tend to have an image in our minds of a suit-clad man and a dress clad woman, but it isn’t by any true measure the defining quality. Any brute can put on a suit and be as disgraceful as one clad in filth.

One with grace is polite as their default position, slow to anger and respectful of others.

One with grace is not fearful to stand up for what is right and express themselves with the truth of their intention.

One with grace doesn’t manipulate to move ahead.

One with grace understands that they don’t know it all and strives to be more than who they are.

A gentleman is caring and kind, strong and confident in that which matters.

– Xavier Eastenbrick.

Spoken like a true gentleman.


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