Millie’s Journal – Entry #3

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November 15, 1987

Dear Journal,

I have fallen in love! And no, it’s not Damon Richards – yet. I have fallen in love with the most gorgeous of men, Michael Hutchence. He is wonderful (sigh); when he sings, his voice is like a warm chocolate ribbon of silk that wraps itself all around and through me … Mmmmm, I can almost taste it sliding down my throat and making its way through my entire body like a delicious hot chocolate! And I listen to INXS often these days … it soaks up the silence of this old crappy house.

Mum is coming home from the hospital today; I am glad she will be home again … maybe things will feel a little better around here. Ace and I are making her a special dinner tonight. We are cooking her favourite – lasagne with a green salad and a passionfruit tart for dessert. I hope we can pull that tart off okay, because she makes it sooooo good.

Dad hasn’t said too much lately, but hey, what’s new, right? He just looks at me weird and I just can’t wait to get away from him honestly … it creeps me out. He used to talk to me, and look at me with those kind eyes. Now, pretty much nothing, just a strange uncomfortableness growing between us and I have no idea why. He’s still the same with Ace. They watch TV and eat popcorn together and when I try and join in, Dad throws me a sideways glance, clearly annoyed by my presence. So, I stopped trying to join in on their “boy time”.

Can’t wait to have Mum home again. I have missed her hugs and our little private giggles about boys and school at bedtime. Mum tells me I shouldn’t go out of my way to get any boy to notice me. She says I am special and if Damon Richards doesn’t notice that all on his own, then he shan’t have the pleasure of my company. It always makes me laugh, but then she tells me to believe in myself … and I’m not always so sure how to do that. I guess that’s what most mothers say to their daughters.

When I was a little girl, sometimes when I would look in the mirror, a part of me would wonder what I was doing in the body that reflected back at me. Because the girl with the emerald eyes that I saw felt foreign to me. It almost felt as if I were an imposter! Strange … I hadn’t thought of that in years … until recently. Something has started to stir within me and I’m very confused right now, but somehow, I know it has to do with that whisper my Mum told me about.

Well, got to go and make passionfruit tart now.

Millie xo

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