October 11, 1987
Today was a good day! My 14th birthday! I got some really cool stuff. The coolest bubble-gum jeans ever! Mum and Dad took me out for dinner; oh, and of course my little brother Ace had to come … I suppose he had nowhere else to be! Anyway, we went to the Black Stump, my second favorite restaurant (second only to the Spaghetti Factory). I really only like the Black Stump for the fire engine drinks (Don’t tell anyone), but yum!
Mum gave me this journal tonight. She told me it was to keep track of my dreams; she said I should write about my aspirations. Especially when I have an inspired thought, she said. And I should always be true to myself and listen to the whisper within me. Whatever that means. She looked sad when she said it. I wonder why. Sometimes, I catch her crying in the kitchen over the dishes. She pretends she’s not and most of the time I pretend I don’t see her cry because I don’t know what to say to her. I wonder if it’s me or Ace, or even my father because I hear her bicker at him some nights when he comes home later than usual. Other than that, I don’t really hear them talk about much at all really. I wonder if that is normal. Well, silences are normal in this house. Sometimes I want to scream as loud as my lungs will allow me just to break an awkward silence. Sometimes, I don’t know how I will endure another and another … but I do. Ace and I have learned to live with it, I guess.
Dad just came in to say goodnight. I know Mum said I should use this journal to write my dreams, but I’m thinking I’ll write whatever I am feeling or thinking about as well as those dreams. Lately I’ve noticed my dad looks at me different to the way he used to. His green eyes seem new to me, even though I’ve looked at those eyes a million times. I don’t know, it’s almost like a look of surprise – the kind of look you get when you see a ghost or something. Maybe it’s just me; maybe I’m losing my mind already at fourteen … maybe not.
As for those dreams; I have an overwhelming feeling that something is missing. It’s like an empty pit in my tummy and I have no idea why. I guess I need to figure it out before I can hear the whisper within me.
Excerpt from Millie’s Angel